Friday, February 11, 2011
Updates and Thoughts
I realized this morning as I was reading through my old blog posts that I need to update a couple of things. One of my firsts posts was about a wonderful encourager named Lynn who blessed my life with her words at a time when I really needed it. Lynn went home to be with the Lord just a couple of months ago and even though I didn't know her well, she had a profound impact on me during that first trying year in Mexico. The power of a word spoken in due season is truly miraculous.
It's been 18 months now since my VBAC water-birth in Mexico and it was one of the most healing experiences of my life. I now have a beautiful daughter and I enjoy her more and more each day. For those of you who don't know, I had a very traumatic (unnecessary) C-section with my third son, so this journey toward a VBAC water-birth was very significant for me. God answered my every prayer and exceeded my every expectation for the kind of birth I was desiring, and I look forward to doing it again this August when baby#5 is due.
Okay, back to the present...
I am already in curriculum research mode for next school year. The curriculum craze hits me every February or March and I spend the following months looking for home school catalogues in the mail, perusing used curriculum websites like vegsource.com and homeschoolreviews.com and making notes in my notebook. Each night I settle down to my hot tea and catalogues and am entranced for hours. It's intoxicating; beautiful new materials, exciting possibilities for learning, reading other mom reviews who used this or that writing program last year, putting together dream plans for each child. I get starry eyed just thinking about it. Have I mentioned that I love homeschooling? I do. I don't home educate primarily because I feel like I should or I have to, I home educate because it excites me! This is my dream job!
Of course there are days when I want to throw in the towl, morning sickness for instance has to be the biggest de-motivator there is. The first three months of pregnancy are just survival for me, and many other home school Moms with several children afoot, but there are lessons to be learned in every season and this 'morning sickness season' has produced some good fruit in my boys. B(8) and A(6), have learned how to carry their little brother and sister to the van and safely belt them into their car-seats. They have learned how to change diapers and put socks and shoes on the little ones and have even spent a few mornings rubbing my back or playing with my hair to try to ease my discomfort. I have been so blessed in these moments and tried to remember that all is not lost if we don't get around to math that day. They will not go into adulthood without knowing how to borrow and carry, it will just have to happen another day. And don't let the previous few sentences paint a perfectly rosy picture; we have also had days where someone dropped and exploded a whole gallon of milk on the kitchen floor, a certain 3 yr old did not take his 'business' to the bathroom (several times), and they fought like cats and dogs until the veins on my forehead were popping out. Such is life. Still, I wouldn't trade our home-education adventure for the world. Life is messy any way you look at it, the blessing is being in the mess together!
It's been 18 months now since my VBAC water-birth in Mexico and it was one of the most healing experiences of my life. I now have a beautiful daughter and I enjoy her more and more each day. For those of you who don't know, I had a very traumatic (unnecessary) C-section with my third son, so this journey toward a VBAC water-birth was very significant for me. God answered my every prayer and exceeded my every expectation for the kind of birth I was desiring, and I look forward to doing it again this August when baby#5 is due.
Okay, back to the present...
I am already in curriculum research mode for next school year. The curriculum craze hits me every February or March and I spend the following months looking for home school catalogues in the mail, perusing used curriculum websites like vegsource.com and homeschoolreviews.com and making notes in my notebook. Each night I settle down to my hot tea and catalogues and am entranced for hours. It's intoxicating; beautiful new materials, exciting possibilities for learning, reading other mom reviews who used this or that writing program last year, putting together dream plans for each child. I get starry eyed just thinking about it. Have I mentioned that I love homeschooling? I do. I don't home educate primarily because I feel like I should or I have to, I home educate because it excites me! This is my dream job!
Of course there are days when I want to throw in the towl, morning sickness for instance has to be the biggest de-motivator there is. The first three months of pregnancy are just survival for me, and many other home school Moms with several children afoot, but there are lessons to be learned in every season and this 'morning sickness season' has produced some good fruit in my boys. B(8) and A(6), have learned how to carry their little brother and sister to the van and safely belt them into their car-seats. They have learned how to change diapers and put socks and shoes on the little ones and have even spent a few mornings rubbing my back or playing with my hair to try to ease my discomfort. I have been so blessed in these moments and tried to remember that all is not lost if we don't get around to math that day. They will not go into adulthood without knowing how to borrow and carry, it will just have to happen another day. And don't let the previous few sentences paint a perfectly rosy picture; we have also had days where someone dropped and exploded a whole gallon of milk on the kitchen floor, a certain 3 yr old did not take his 'business' to the bathroom (several times), and they fought like cats and dogs until the veins on my forehead were popping out. Such is life. Still, I wouldn't trade our home-education adventure for the world. Life is messy any way you look at it, the blessing is being in the mess together!
Wednesday, February 2, 2011
I Will Survive...
I have never been sick for an entire month until now. What's more, is that our whole family has been sick for all of January. I bore myself even writing this all out again, because I've had a big bad case of "complainer-itis" the last several days and the last thing I probably need is to make a list of all of my woes. But, for the sake of purging, here goes:
It was a cool January evening and I had just settled in for the night at my perch on the couch, when I heard " Ugh!" from the bedroom my 3 boys sleep in. I entered the room to find Averic, boy #2, vomiting all over his bed linens. I won't disgust you with the details of that fateful night and the vomiting episodes that ensued, I'll just say that I spent my peaceful evening doing laundry and giving baths. The following morning, Benjamin, boy#1, started off the day in a similar fashion and fortunately, at age 8, was able to aim into the bowl I had provided for him.
Two days and several loads of laundry later, we were in the clear. I was thankful that the worst was over and thrilled that my younger two children seemed untouched by the virus. My relief was short lived as Deacon, boy #3, began vomiting on his bed linens that very night. Yes, the same bed linens that I had just put back on the bed. More laundry, more baths. The next day, Phoebe, age 1, followed suit and so my life was occupied with all this mess for a few more days. I couldn't wait until the weekend; I knew that the kids would be over their virus and we were celebrating our ten year anniversary with a trip to Austin. We had gone all out and made reservations to stay at "The Driskell", an historic hotel right on 6th Street, for two whole nights. At this point, two nights away from the kids seemed magical!
Well, the weekend arrived, with me vomiting...and Nathan vomiting. The grandparents came to stay with the kids and we hastily threw some clothes into a suitcase and made a very miserable drive to Austin. We arrived around 3 pm and went to bed in separate queen beds. We watched TV and made trips to the toilet and fell asleep at 9pm. We woke up at 2:30 pm the NEXT DAY. We were SO sick. So much for eating out at exciting new restaurants downtown and exploring the city and the neat little shops. We drug ourselves out of bed after having some Sprite and headed for IKEA. By golly, come rain or shine, I was going to IKEA; I had never been and had only heard girlfriends rave about the experience. We walked around for 20 minutes before I thought I would faint, and then we left. We went back to the hotel and slept. That evening I decided I could try to eat a roll and some mashed potatoes, so Nathan took me to "The Black Eyed Pea" (oh the romance) and I ate said roll and mashed potatoes. Eeeww. We left feeling sicker than when we had arrived. We headed to the movies where we watched "True Grit" and found it to be a lovely diversion from all our nastiness. We then headed back to the hotel and rented a dumb movie on PayPerView and fell asleep. The next morning, we went to the Capitol building and took a short walk through since I had never been inside, then we headed for home, still sick. Blech. Not the getaway I had imagined when we made those hotel reservations, but at least I didn't have to take care of my children when I felt so horrible myself, and that was something.
A few days later we were all feeling quite a bit better, but I still had the underlying nausea that accompanies every woman through her first tri-mester of pregnancy. I wasn't 100% but this was do-able, and we got back to doing school. Then the coughing, hacking, green snot monster attacked my children one by one, followed by the Pink Eye monster. No school again. We scrambled to find an urgent care facility since we couldn't be seen until the following week, and got the kids loaded up with Erythromicin drops and Amoxocillin. Okay, done and done! Then the coughing, hacking, green snot monster snuck up on me and kicked my rear end, and brought his friend, Influenza to knock Nathan out. Needless to say, we have been down for the count. All six of us.
I confess, my children have watched more movies in the last week than they have in the past 6 months, they have been left to fend for themselves, sometimes eating graham crackers and peanut butter for lunch, and have been forced to wear the same clothes for three days in a row. Which brings me to our next mishap. Our dryer began eating our clothes about 2 and a half weeks ago. Of course, I didn't realize that I had a hungry dryer until after I had dried several loads of laundry, so it wasn't until I started noticing holes and oil marks on several pieces of clothing, that I quit using the thing. I would guess that 40% of our clothing has been damaged as well as our bedding. I was quite excited about this as you can imagine, considering our current state of affairs. My favorite part, is that every stitch of every piece of anything that can be worn by this family, has been worn....several times. At long last the repair man came on Monday and the part needed will be in soon. Soon, is not soon enough for me, but what's a girl to do?
Did I mention that on Monday when the repair guy came, we were in the middle of mopping up the flood of water in our living room caused by the broken water heater? Yes, well, I'm just waiting for the roof to cave in or the car to quit working, or someone to lose a limb. I doubt it would shock me at this point. So it is with joy that I bid farewell to January 2011 and give it a swift kick in the arse on the way out. :)
It was a cool January evening and I had just settled in for the night at my perch on the couch, when I heard " Ugh!" from the bedroom my 3 boys sleep in. I entered the room to find Averic, boy #2, vomiting all over his bed linens. I won't disgust you with the details of that fateful night and the vomiting episodes that ensued, I'll just say that I spent my peaceful evening doing laundry and giving baths. The following morning, Benjamin, boy#1, started off the day in a similar fashion and fortunately, at age 8, was able to aim into the bowl I had provided for him.
Two days and several loads of laundry later, we were in the clear. I was thankful that the worst was over and thrilled that my younger two children seemed untouched by the virus. My relief was short lived as Deacon, boy #3, began vomiting on his bed linens that very night. Yes, the same bed linens that I had just put back on the bed. More laundry, more baths. The next day, Phoebe, age 1, followed suit and so my life was occupied with all this mess for a few more days. I couldn't wait until the weekend; I knew that the kids would be over their virus and we were celebrating our ten year anniversary with a trip to Austin. We had gone all out and made reservations to stay at "The Driskell", an historic hotel right on 6th Street, for two whole nights. At this point, two nights away from the kids seemed magical!
Well, the weekend arrived, with me vomiting...and Nathan vomiting. The grandparents came to stay with the kids and we hastily threw some clothes into a suitcase and made a very miserable drive to Austin. We arrived around 3 pm and went to bed in separate queen beds. We watched TV and made trips to the toilet and fell asleep at 9pm. We woke up at 2:30 pm the NEXT DAY. We were SO sick. So much for eating out at exciting new restaurants downtown and exploring the city and the neat little shops. We drug ourselves out of bed after having some Sprite and headed for IKEA. By golly, come rain or shine, I was going to IKEA; I had never been and had only heard girlfriends rave about the experience. We walked around for 20 minutes before I thought I would faint, and then we left. We went back to the hotel and slept. That evening I decided I could try to eat a roll and some mashed potatoes, so Nathan took me to "The Black Eyed Pea" (oh the romance) and I ate said roll and mashed potatoes. Eeeww. We left feeling sicker than when we had arrived. We headed to the movies where we watched "True Grit" and found it to be a lovely diversion from all our nastiness. We then headed back to the hotel and rented a dumb movie on PayPerView and fell asleep. The next morning, we went to the Capitol building and took a short walk through since I had never been inside, then we headed for home, still sick. Blech. Not the getaway I had imagined when we made those hotel reservations, but at least I didn't have to take care of my children when I felt so horrible myself, and that was something.
A few days later we were all feeling quite a bit better, but I still had the underlying nausea that accompanies every woman through her first tri-mester of pregnancy. I wasn't 100% but this was do-able, and we got back to doing school. Then the coughing, hacking, green snot monster attacked my children one by one, followed by the Pink Eye monster. No school again. We scrambled to find an urgent care facility since we couldn't be seen until the following week, and got the kids loaded up with Erythromicin drops and Amoxocillin. Okay, done and done! Then the coughing, hacking, green snot monster snuck up on me and kicked my rear end, and brought his friend, Influenza to knock Nathan out. Needless to say, we have been down for the count. All six of us.
I confess, my children have watched more movies in the last week than they have in the past 6 months, they have been left to fend for themselves, sometimes eating graham crackers and peanut butter for lunch, and have been forced to wear the same clothes for three days in a row. Which brings me to our next mishap. Our dryer began eating our clothes about 2 and a half weeks ago. Of course, I didn't realize that I had a hungry dryer until after I had dried several loads of laundry, so it wasn't until I started noticing holes and oil marks on several pieces of clothing, that I quit using the thing. I would guess that 40% of our clothing has been damaged as well as our bedding. I was quite excited about this as you can imagine, considering our current state of affairs. My favorite part, is that every stitch of every piece of anything that can be worn by this family, has been worn....several times. At long last the repair man came on Monday and the part needed will be in soon. Soon, is not soon enough for me, but what's a girl to do?
Did I mention that on Monday when the repair guy came, we were in the middle of mopping up the flood of water in our living room caused by the broken water heater? Yes, well, I'm just waiting for the roof to cave in or the car to quit working, or someone to lose a limb. I doubt it would shock me at this point. So it is with joy that I bid farewell to January 2011 and give it a swift kick in the arse on the way out. :)
Tuesday, January 4, 2011
Farmish thoughts
The compost out-house toilet is not my favorite. It's stinky, and not much of a 'rest'-room. I have however, noticed that there is some good reading material on the table next to the toilet, and thought once or twice about lingering for a good flip through the National Geographic. But then I thought better of it. It does make me wonder just WHO relaxes in there for an article or two. I never thought I would say this, but I much prefer the bucket with toilet seat that sits in my bathroom. It even has a companion bucket filled with sawdust for me to scoop on top when I finish. Guess cats are onto something..
The people here at the farm are fabulous. They have been incredible with the kids, inviting them to help collect and wash eggs, throw around the football and whip up a batch of no-sugar added, natural peanut butter brownies in the community kitchen. I'm impressed so far. And the food!? These people are serious about their food. In just a handful of days, we have eaten such things as chevre (home made goat cheese), some type of organic black bean relish dish with fresh cilantro and tomatoes right off the farm, homemade breads of various kinds, fresh pumpkin polenta, and homemade bruschetta pizza. I have a lot of learning to do! All of the lunches are vegetarian since there are quite a few who eat this way here. I am thrilled to say the least, because most of the dishes I cook center around meat. It amazes me that single girls in their 20's can cook this way! What a gift!
We had out first class this week on the topic of "sustainable vs. organic agriculture" which was very informative. We learned about tilling and how bad it is over long periods of time for the soil, causing erosion. We learned a bit about maintaining soil quality and the pros and cons of organic agriculture as well as the pros and cons of modern agricultural practices. This is a whole new world for us and there is SO much to learn. The people here are from all types of educational backgrounds and many of them are biologists in their own right, scientists-all of them to a degree, but so informed in all of these areas. I hope to be half as educated by the end of this year. Wow.
Well, it's late, and another home school day awaits us in the morning. We are still trying to figure out our schedule and I am trying to be patient and flexible..trying. :) It's good to be settled in a place to call "home" for now, and to be at the beginning of a new season and a new adventure. God has something for us in every time and place and I am looking forward to the things He will add to our lives here at World Hunger Relief.
The people here at the farm are fabulous. They have been incredible with the kids, inviting them to help collect and wash eggs, throw around the football and whip up a batch of no-sugar added, natural peanut butter brownies in the community kitchen. I'm impressed so far. And the food!? These people are serious about their food. In just a handful of days, we have eaten such things as chevre (home made goat cheese), some type of organic black bean relish dish with fresh cilantro and tomatoes right off the farm, homemade breads of various kinds, fresh pumpkin polenta, and homemade bruschetta pizza. I have a lot of learning to do! All of the lunches are vegetarian since there are quite a few who eat this way here. I am thrilled to say the least, because most of the dishes I cook center around meat. It amazes me that single girls in their 20's can cook this way! What a gift!
We had out first class this week on the topic of "sustainable vs. organic agriculture" which was very informative. We learned about tilling and how bad it is over long periods of time for the soil, causing erosion. We learned a bit about maintaining soil quality and the pros and cons of organic agriculture as well as the pros and cons of modern agricultural practices. This is a whole new world for us and there is SO much to learn. The people here are from all types of educational backgrounds and many of them are biologists in their own right, scientists-all of them to a degree, but so informed in all of these areas. I hope to be half as educated by the end of this year. Wow.
Well, it's late, and another home school day awaits us in the morning. We are still trying to figure out our schedule and I am trying to be patient and flexible..trying. :) It's good to be settled in a place to call "home" for now, and to be at the beginning of a new season and a new adventure. God has something for us in every time and place and I am looking forward to the things He will add to our lives here at World Hunger Relief.
Monday, December 13, 2010
Life For Rent
Listening to 'dido', "Life For Rent", and thinking how aptly these lyrics give shape to my feelings right now:
I haven't ever really found a place that I call home
I never stick around quite long enough to make it
I apologize once again I'm not in love
But it's not as if I mind
that your heart ain't exactly breaking
It's just a thought, only a thought
But if my life is for rent and I don't learn to buy
Well I deserve nothing more than I get
Cause' nothing I have is truly mine
I've always thought
that I would love to live by the sea
To travel the world alone
and live more simply
I have no idea what's happened to that dream
Cause' there's really nothing left here to stop me
It's just a thought, only a thought
But if my life is for rent and I don't learn to buy
Well I deserve nothing more than I get
Cause' nothing I have is truly mine
If my life is for rent and I don't learn to buy
Well I deserve nothing more than I get
Cos nothing I have is truly mine
While my heart is a shield and I won't let it down
While I am so afraid to fail so I won't even try
Well how can I say I'm alive
If my life is for rent and I don't learn to buy
Well I deserve nothing more than I get
Cause' nothing I have is truly mine
If my life is for rent and I don't learn to buy
Well I deserve nothing more than I get
Cause' nothing I have is truly mine
Cause' nothing I have is truly mine
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I don't recall ever hearing this song before tonight when it popped up on Nathan's I-tunes, but it caught me off guard. The last several years of our life as a family have been so transitional, it's been difficult to feel safe putting down roots. 2006 found us in a year long Spanish training program in South Texas, 2007 saw us move to Guadalajara Mexico for 2.5 years and 2010 finds us back in Texas, preparing to move to Waco for a year of agricultural missions training. I am ready to commit. So ready. I long to plant those roots down deep, make a more permanent nest and raise my children. I am a bit road-weary, and yet I wouldn't trade a single moment of the past few years.
I've also been thinking a lot about fear of failure and what I would do if it were guaranteed that I could NOT fail. I would write. I would send articles in to Christian womens publications. I would speak Spanish sooo much more without the fear of messing up. I would move to an unreached village and have a simple place and do life with simple people and love Jesus and invest myself in discipling and training families. I would speak plainly about the Lord with my Dad. I would love people with more abandon...
My greatest treasures are those things in my life that I have "bought" and not simply rented; my relationship with Jesus, my husband, my children. I want to be one who commits, does the hard work of seeing something through, isn't afraid of failure or loss, but trusts that all my days are in His hands...
I haven't ever really found a place that I call home
I never stick around quite long enough to make it
I apologize once again I'm not in love
But it's not as if I mind
that your heart ain't exactly breaking
It's just a thought, only a thought
But if my life is for rent and I don't learn to buy
Well I deserve nothing more than I get
Cause' nothing I have is truly mine
I've always thought
that I would love to live by the sea
To travel the world alone
and live more simply
I have no idea what's happened to that dream
Cause' there's really nothing left here to stop me
It's just a thought, only a thought
But if my life is for rent and I don't learn to buy
Well I deserve nothing more than I get
Cause' nothing I have is truly mine
If my life is for rent and I don't learn to buy
Well I deserve nothing more than I get
Cos nothing I have is truly mine
While my heart is a shield and I won't let it down
While I am so afraid to fail so I won't even try
Well how can I say I'm alive
If my life is for rent and I don't learn to buy
Well I deserve nothing more than I get
Cause' nothing I have is truly mine
If my life is for rent and I don't learn to buy
Well I deserve nothing more than I get
Cause' nothing I have is truly mine
Cause' nothing I have is truly mine
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I don't recall ever hearing this song before tonight when it popped up on Nathan's I-tunes, but it caught me off guard. The last several years of our life as a family have been so transitional, it's been difficult to feel safe putting down roots. 2006 found us in a year long Spanish training program in South Texas, 2007 saw us move to Guadalajara Mexico for 2.5 years and 2010 finds us back in Texas, preparing to move to Waco for a year of agricultural missions training. I am ready to commit. So ready. I long to plant those roots down deep, make a more permanent nest and raise my children. I am a bit road-weary, and yet I wouldn't trade a single moment of the past few years.
I've also been thinking a lot about fear of failure and what I would do if it were guaranteed that I could NOT fail. I would write. I would send articles in to Christian womens publications. I would speak Spanish sooo much more without the fear of messing up. I would move to an unreached village and have a simple place and do life with simple people and love Jesus and invest myself in discipling and training families. I would speak plainly about the Lord with my Dad. I would love people with more abandon...
My greatest treasures are those things in my life that I have "bought" and not simply rented; my relationship with Jesus, my husband, my children. I want to be one who commits, does the hard work of seeing something through, isn't afraid of failure or loss, but trusts that all my days are in His hands...
Wednesday, December 8, 2010
Misspelling...
Thomas Merton has a quote that I love, it says; "I am myself a word spoken by God." Lately I've been trying to figure out what 'word' I am..
I am afraid of the power of my own convictions. Well, the convictions are fine, it's the mouth I own that I have trouble with. I know I'm a "black and white" sorta gal. I hate gray. Right is right, wrong is wrong and all that. I know at times, this is a gift; I make no bones about things, cut straight to the point, tell it like it is etc., but in truth, I have a love/hate relationship with this aspect of myself. The problem is, I come from a long line of women who are always right. I wish this wasn't so, as it can be taxing on one's health to have to go around all the time telling everyone they're wrong. ;)
Tongue in cheek, funny, yeah, but really, this is an area I struggle with. On the one hand, I know God has given me strong convictions. I think everyone should have strong convictions. I mean, the message of the cross is not for the faint of heart, and the life of a Christian is the life of the cross. It is authentic, not a title or a religious 'affiliation', but a day-in-day-out quest to become like Jesus, to be conformed to His image. This is radical.
I think I've got the radical thing down. I champion counter-cultural lifestyles that bring people closer to a more simple obedience to Jesus. I love it when people make radical choices towards God. My heart rises up when faced with a challenge that is only possible to overcome with the Holy Spirit. I am refreshed by people who make the Bible their standard, for real-real, regardless of what it says, even the hard parts. Strong Biblical convictions are a fabulous thing to have, they are synonymous with the life that Jesus modeled for us.
The problem is love. Or rather, it is the answer. I can admittedly, lack love in my execution. In all my zeal for ideas and p's and q's and how one should walk out his or her faith, I forget the most important thing. Love. Man, I really want to be good at this. I want HIS portion of love for people, I want to love extravagantly, selflessly, just because people are valuable, created in His image, because they are loved by HIM. So why is this so hard for me to do?
"I am myself a word spoken by God." It is profound to think of yourself as a word that God is speaking to the world, is it not? I want to be THE word He wants to say through me, but I think I keep getting in the way, not translating Him well, misspelling....
I am afraid of the power of my own convictions. Well, the convictions are fine, it's the mouth I own that I have trouble with. I know I'm a "black and white" sorta gal. I hate gray. Right is right, wrong is wrong and all that. I know at times, this is a gift; I make no bones about things, cut straight to the point, tell it like it is etc., but in truth, I have a love/hate relationship with this aspect of myself. The problem is, I come from a long line of women who are always right. I wish this wasn't so, as it can be taxing on one's health to have to go around all the time telling everyone they're wrong. ;)
Tongue in cheek, funny, yeah, but really, this is an area I struggle with. On the one hand, I know God has given me strong convictions. I think everyone should have strong convictions. I mean, the message of the cross is not for the faint of heart, and the life of a Christian is the life of the cross. It is authentic, not a title or a religious 'affiliation', but a day-in-day-out quest to become like Jesus, to be conformed to His image. This is radical.
I think I've got the radical thing down. I champion counter-cultural lifestyles that bring people closer to a more simple obedience to Jesus. I love it when people make radical choices towards God. My heart rises up when faced with a challenge that is only possible to overcome with the Holy Spirit. I am refreshed by people who make the Bible their standard, for real-real, regardless of what it says, even the hard parts. Strong Biblical convictions are a fabulous thing to have, they are synonymous with the life that Jesus modeled for us.
The problem is love. Or rather, it is the answer. I can admittedly, lack love in my execution. In all my zeal for ideas and p's and q's and how one should walk out his or her faith, I forget the most important thing. Love. Man, I really want to be good at this. I want HIS portion of love for people, I want to love extravagantly, selflessly, just because people are valuable, created in His image, because they are loved by HIM. So why is this so hard for me to do?
"I am myself a word spoken by God." It is profound to think of yourself as a word that God is speaking to the world, is it not? I want to be THE word He wants to say through me, but I think I keep getting in the way, not translating Him well, misspelling....
Wednesday, May 13, 2009
Today
No profound thoughts today. Nathan is in Reynosa/McAllen until tomorrow getting a van for the base. I'm excited that this trip came up because he will also be bringing back a glider, a crib, crib sheets and some other much-needed baby gear. I always shift into high-gear when he is out of town. The house is spic and span, the floors are sparkling and there is not a stitch of dirty laundry in the house. I wonder why that is? I think part of it is the mindset that if I don't do it, it's not getting done. If only I could be so motivated all the time.
Deacon has recently discovered he can scale the dining room table and has taken up Averic's old habit of sitting atop it and destroying whatever he may find there. Casualties so far have been my favorite candle, a few highlighters and Ben's flash cards for school. *Sigh* Much of my day has been spent saying "no Deacon!" Yes, another stage is upon us. And now, we will add an infant into the mix! Maybe this is why the man from New York I met yesterday in the check out line kept shaking his head at me and saying "God bless you, God bless you." Hmmm. Well, it made my day anyhow.
I do hold my head a little higher when I am strolling through the grocey store with my handsome little entourage, my belly bump guiding the way. I am a novelty here in Mexico..a white woman with more than two children. I get comments all the time. The lady doing my pedicure the other day said; "You have THREE and one on the way?" I replied in the affirmative, confirming the obvious, and she said "white women don't have that many kids, that is the Mexican's woman's area of expertise." I'm just trying to fit in the best way I know how I guess. ;) By the way Mom, if you're reading this, we are SO going to get pedicures while you're here. Ten bucks for a full spa pedicure! And they turned out beautifully!
I have a lot of energy at this point in the pregnancy and have been trucking along just fine. Of course around 4:30 when the sun has been baking my Stucco house for several hours and I am sutck to my faux leather couch, I start to wane a bit. This is my first time pregnant without AC. I don't recommend it. I hope I labor at night because the birthing center (as well as most public places) in Guadalajara do not have AC either. Such a contrast to the meat locker hospitals in the states! I am feeling good about the birth, and Dr. Jose is such a positive force in the whole deal. He told me VBAC's are his favorite births to attend because it is such a triumph. I am praying that baby will be in position and that God will just take care of the details. I know that I will be allowed to go for days with my water broken if need be and that gives me such peace. I have always been trying to "beat the clock" in my hospital births and I am so OVER that. America's Obstetric world is in crisis and I am thankful not to have to be caught up in that machine again. I am hoping to attend some pain management classes at my midwife's house. I love the woman like a dear friend already! She is constantly sending me e-mails of encouragement, videos of VBAC births and positive statistics. I am getting so much more than we are paying for this time around. And..I THINK we have our names chosen though this is top secret classified information. I don't know why we want to be all secretive with everything this time..we just do! It makes the phone calls more fun! Well, the Deaconator is screeching from his crib....hasta luego.
Deacon has recently discovered he can scale the dining room table and has taken up Averic's old habit of sitting atop it and destroying whatever he may find there. Casualties so far have been my favorite candle, a few highlighters and Ben's flash cards for school. *Sigh* Much of my day has been spent saying "no Deacon!" Yes, another stage is upon us. And now, we will add an infant into the mix! Maybe this is why the man from New York I met yesterday in the check out line kept shaking his head at me and saying "God bless you, God bless you." Hmmm. Well, it made my day anyhow.
I do hold my head a little higher when I am strolling through the grocey store with my handsome little entourage, my belly bump guiding the way. I am a novelty here in Mexico..a white woman with more than two children. I get comments all the time. The lady doing my pedicure the other day said; "You have THREE and one on the way?" I replied in the affirmative, confirming the obvious, and she said "white women don't have that many kids, that is the Mexican's woman's area of expertise." I'm just trying to fit in the best way I know how I guess. ;) By the way Mom, if you're reading this, we are SO going to get pedicures while you're here. Ten bucks for a full spa pedicure! And they turned out beautifully!
I have a lot of energy at this point in the pregnancy and have been trucking along just fine. Of course around 4:30 when the sun has been baking my Stucco house for several hours and I am sutck to my faux leather couch, I start to wane a bit. This is my first time pregnant without AC. I don't recommend it. I hope I labor at night because the birthing center (as well as most public places) in Guadalajara do not have AC either. Such a contrast to the meat locker hospitals in the states! I am feeling good about the birth, and Dr. Jose is such a positive force in the whole deal. He told me VBAC's are his favorite births to attend because it is such a triumph. I am praying that baby will be in position and that God will just take care of the details. I know that I will be allowed to go for days with my water broken if need be and that gives me such peace. I have always been trying to "beat the clock" in my hospital births and I am so OVER that. America's Obstetric world is in crisis and I am thankful not to have to be caught up in that machine again. I am hoping to attend some pain management classes at my midwife's house. I love the woman like a dear friend already! She is constantly sending me e-mails of encouragement, videos of VBAC births and positive statistics. I am getting so much more than we are paying for this time around. And..I THINK we have our names chosen though this is top secret classified information. I don't know why we want to be all secretive with everything this time..we just do! It makes the phone calls more fun! Well, the Deaconator is screeching from his crib....hasta luego.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)