Misspelling...

Thomas Merton has a quote that I love, it says; "I am myself a word spoken by God." Lately I've been trying to figure out what 'word' I am..

I am afraid of the power of my own convictions. Well, the convictions are fine, it's the mouth I own that I have trouble with. I know I'm a "black and white" sorta gal. I hate gray. Right is right, wrong is wrong and all that. I know at times, this is a gift; I make no bones about things, cut straight to the point, tell it like it is etc., but in truth, I have a love/hate relationship with this aspect of myself. The problem is, I come from a long line of women who are always right. I wish this wasn't so, as it can be taxing on one's health to have to go around all the time telling everyone they're wrong. ;)

Tongue in cheek, funny, yeah, but really, this is an area I struggle with. On the one hand, I know God has given me strong convictions. I think everyone should have strong convictions. I mean, the message of the cross is not for the faint of heart, and the life of a Christian is the life of the cross. It is authentic, not a title or a religious 'affiliation', but a day-in-day-out quest to become like Jesus, to be conformed to His image. This is radical.

I think I've got the radical thing down. I champion counter-cultural lifestyles that bring people closer to a more simple obedience to Jesus. I love it when people make radical choices towards God. My heart rises up when faced with a challenge that is only possible to overcome with the Holy Spirit. I am refreshed by people who make the Bible their standard, for real-real, regardless of what it says, even the hard parts. Strong Biblical convictions are a fabulous thing to have, they are synonymous with the life that Jesus modeled for us.

The problem is love. Or rather, it is the answer. I can admittedly, lack love in my execution. In all my zeal for ideas and p's and q's and how one should walk out his or her faith, I forget the most important thing. Love. Man, I really want to be good at this. I want HIS portion of love for people, I want to love extravagantly, selflessly, just because people are valuable, created in His image, because they are loved by HIM. So why is this so hard for me to do?

"I am myself a word spoken by God." It is profound to think of yourself as a word that God is speaking to the world, is it not? I want to be THE word He wants to say through me, but I think I keep getting in the way, not translating Him well, misspelling....